August 29, 2013

Fun at the Wal-Mart

I ran across this in a Facebook posting and unlike my usual politically oriented comments thought you might have a laugh along with me.  I have no idea if it's based on fact or not but it does bring humor into how men usually think about shopping.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.


Anonymous said...

Good site you have got here.. It's hard to find high-quality writing like
yours nowadays. I honestly appreciate people like you!

Take care!!

Here is my web blog: Honor Bound Cheats

Anonymous said...

Informative article, еxactly աhat Ӏ neeԀed.

my blog :: Proactol review

Anonymous said...

Remember that in a single way and other, your tattoo represents
about yourself, too. However, logically or practically speaking, in case you are becoming
bored of your respective routine hectic schedule of training and never being
capable of fulfill your fantasies sufficiently, then the need from the
hour is usually to enroll yourself into a web-based
adult chat room to suit your urge to own sex in the most convenient way.
The beauty of adult chat services are which you can select the webcam girls that
you are most attracted to and they also will indulge
your sexual whims directly.

My web page blonde squirt

Anonymous said...

Fantastic items from you, man. I have be mindful your stuff prior to and you are
simply too great. I really like what you have got right here,
really like what you are saying and the way in which you say it.
You're making it enjoyable and you still care for to stay
it wise. I can't wait to read much more from you.
That is actually a great web site.

my web-site; emergency storm damage restoration services Columbia South Carolinas

Anonymous said...

These winged warriors, led by the ethereal Leonore
(Miranda Otto), are apparently the good guys,
fighting to save humanity from the evil intent of
the demons. Trials let you test the game out first to see
if it's something you like playing. You should also look at friends lists and messages to ensure they are playing it safe.

Look into my web page; Clash of Clans Cheats

Anonymous said...

What's up, this weekend is good in support of me,
since this moment i am reading this impressive educational paragraph here at
my home.

My web site; Pron

Anonymous said...

Hello there! This article could not be written much better!
Looking through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
He always kept preaching about this. I am going to forward this article to
him. Fairly certain he will have a good read.
Many thanks for sharing!

Feel free to surf to my website download wiz khalifa new album