May 10, 2011

Your cell phone now a direct link to the ultimate SOURCE of safety

Your president, who, just like how he got Bin Laden when no one else could (praise him), will now tell you what is really happening around the country, and inform you about what to do during terror, moment to moment, all while keeping track of where you are in case you forget. He'll just sound the word and people will scamper wherever he says like good little Sims in SimNation. Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

And who needs the middle men and women in local or national news anymore to keep you up-to-date when you can have a direct personal relationship with the head honcho? The only drawback is the technology to allow the instructions chip to be implanted into your brain is still just a joke. But science could do wondrous things in the service of hope and change.

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